By definition, humanity is the quality or state of being kind to other people. It's what sets us apart from every other species on the planet. Yet, many of us have lost that, or lose it sometimes, anyway. And, when I say us, I'm including myself. We tell ourselves we're just telling the truth. And, maybe it is the truth. Maybe your co-worker's breath smells like garlic marinated in butt juice. You don't want to be mean, but maybe they can't smell it. So, you say, "Dude, you need some gum or a breath mint or something! My nose hairs are crawling up into my brain, you're breath is so hot!"
Is the smell foul? Yes. Is what you said the truth? Not according to Khalil Gibran who said, "Truth is a deep kindness that teaches us to be content in our everyday life and share with the people the same happiness." If Khalil is right, then what you said wasn't the truth. What's more, not saying anything at all would have been a lie. The truth, by this definition, must be tempered by our humanity. Otherwise, you're just being mean.
We make up any number of excuses to defend our rudeness, our inhumanity. "I'm only saying it because I love you." Bull! When you love someone, your words to them are seasoned with kindness and patience, so they can taste the flavor of your love in what you say. "I'm entitled to my opinion." Yes, to have one of your own. That doesn't mean the rest of us need to be subjected to it. Feel free to keep it to yourself if it's not going to be gracious and/or helpful. And the least humane of them all-- "Oh, well." That's when you know someone is truly broken, or when you've truly broken someone. When they've reached a point where they just aren't capable of caring about your feelings. Sometimes those people get fixed, they heal. But, most times, they just stay broken.
I've learned a lot of things in my thirties, but few as important as this: If you can't say it nice, if you can't say it with love, if you can't say it in a way that the person you're speaking to is assured of your humanity, then shut the fuck up! That is the least you can do. It takes only the smallest amount of your humanity to just keep your mouth closed when your words taste bitter even on your own tongue. It was a hard lesson to learn. I lost people, people who enriched my life in meaningful ways, but I understand now, and I'm not broken anymore. I was healed. I was healed by the only thing capable of healing you after something like that, love. When I finally loved someone, really and truly loved someone with every part of me, I was healed. And, the funny thing is, I didn't even know I was broken until I'd been put back together.
I still get tested, of course, and sometimes I fail. That's just a part of life. That's what brought me back to my blog. I blog for a lot of reasons but, mostly, I do it to remind myself of who I really am. It reminds me of who I want to be. And it helps keep me on track toward that goal. This blog, and loving a Little.
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